I’m going to be honest, I have no idea how to start these posts. I’ve been sitting waiting for the website to load in so I could write this post for the past half hour, and in that time, I thought of everything except how to start it. So I will work on that for next time..
Yesterday was a particularly bad day at work, not for any real reason, it was just hectic and i ended my shift in a kind of “meh” mood. I had tried to keep in high spirits all day due to the fact my boyfriend and I had arranged date night for last night, nothing special, just a nice quite trip to the pub. I got home, got changed and went to pick him up. We decided to go some where a bit further afield than we normally would and we chatted the whole way there, and it made me feel so much better just to be there with him, telling him stories about work, listening to stories about his new year since we hadn’t seen each other since new years eve.
I mentioned an illness in my last post, and eventually I will go into detail about it, but part of it is Anxiety and Food Phobia, both of which are awful, but living with them both at the same time can be catastrophic, but I also talked about how I was getting better at managing it, and the fact that I was going out for dinner, at a new place, is pretty good going for me, and whilst it doesn’t sound like anything major, it’s a huge accomplishment for me, and one that I am very proud of.
We arrived at the pub, ordered drinks and settled into our seats and browsed the menu. Looking at menus is always daunting for me because I’m not used to the choice, and I get really nervous and worried about what something has in it, what if it isn’t cooked properly, how will I react to it, will I feel sick, will I make a mess.. my mind races and its quite frustrating for me, because when I reflect on it later, I realise how silly these worries are, but in the moment they feel huge.
I decided to play it safe and ordered a burger,I knew before placing my order that it was going to be too much food for me, but I figured, I was paying, so what did it matter how much I wasted. My boyfriend and I continued to chat and tell stories, sipping our beverages and laughing and smiling, I actually forgot we had ordered food so was a bit startled when the waitress arrived with it.
We ate our meals in not so much silence but we were the quietest we had been all evening, remarking only on the food and the party sitting on the table next to us, playfully making comments about the things they were discussing, after food I ordered my boyfriend a second pint which he happily drank before we set off back to my place.
We arrived back at my flat at around 8pm, and curled up on the sofa together, but at by this time I had been awake around 16 hours and was starting to fall asleep in his arms so he decided it was time for me to take him home so I could get a decent nights sleep.
I dropped him off, kissed him goodbye and drove carefully back to my flat, made a coffee and got into bed. I was asleep within 10 minutes of finishing my coffee.
I slept straight through and woke up at around 10am, getting on with my day immediately by throwing a full load of washing into the washing machine, loading the dishwasher and jumping into the bath, I finished getting ready just as my boyfriend text me to tell me he was setting off to mine. We had planned a day of appointment making, he has a poorly car which needs sorting out, I wanted to book in to have my hair dyed again, and we both want new tattoos.
Now we had already had to change part of those plans as I found out that our tattooist isn’t back in the studio until Thursday so we have changed that plan for then, but we set off to work through the other two things. we drove to the garage that we had been recommended only to find it was closed. So now we have to go another day, he has said he is going to drive past the garage tomorrow to see if it’s open then, but that again, was a fail.
We did actually manage to book my hair appointment so I will fill you in on that next week! I spent a couple more hours with my boyfriend but I had chores and shopping to do so he left me to it. It’s funny how disappointing it is when he leaves, I always think “I’m fine on my own, He’s free to live his life without me being there 24/7” but when he says he’s leaving I’m like “what.. no.. stay..please?” He always replies with the same thing “your seeing me tomorrow. It’s not for long baby”
Which is true, he is coming back tomorrow, and I know that when he leaves on Thursday I’m going to experience the same sinking feeling I always feel, but I suppose that’s a good thing in a way, if I ever stop feeling that way, what would be the point of us being together? If I suddenly started feeling glad, or even just indifferent to him leaving, it would mean my feeling for him had changed. But if that ever happens, it will be a long, long way off, I am actually the happiest I have been in years because of him.
That took a weird turn, sorry! I finished my day by baking some Jammy Dodger Cupcakes and having a hot bath. To say I haven’t done anything incredibly interesting, I have had a really wonderful 48 hours, and I know the majority is because of him but I also know that this feeling, this new found enjoyment of life, will last for a long time
It’s nice, being in love.. It’s good for the soul.
Good night guys