Good Evening! Actually writing this at a reasonable hour.. For once!
So today I wanted to write about a relatively crap day at work, which took place on monday. As mentioned in my last post, I had a few days off last week to use up my holiday hours, and I returned to work on Saturday with a new attitude, thinking no matter the stress, I would remain positive and just try my best.
I followed through with this up until monday, I was trying my best to deal with increasingly stressful situations, bad management from previous shifts, and a lack of information that left us struggling for time. Regardless of all this I had managed to remain some what positive although my increasing irration was beginning to show. At around 8pm my manager called a meeting to announce that he had been offered a secondment into the role of shift manager (one that he had been doing but only on a ‘step up’ basis meaning he wasnt getting paid or official in the role, he was just covering for my actual shift manager whilst he persued a different role) So anyway, he announced some changes at this time, one of those being that myself and another team leader would be swapping departments, ow this in itself made me quite sad as I had worked hard to build up relationships with my team in the four months I had been managing them and now I would be moving on to a new team, however I fully understood the reasons for this so I wasnt overly fussed and didnt really react to it other than to agree. After this meeting I turned to what had originally been my shift manager and asked him about an email I had sent and he replied with some very disappointing news, but this news also made me very angry as it felt to me as though a member of my team had been lied to and I didnt take too kindly to this, after I snapped at him and explained my thoughts I could myself tipping over the edge to the “crying angry” stage, my manager then chose this moment to say, what basically amounted to “oh by the way, Couples shouldnt be working together if one of them is in a higher role” now bare in mind my boyfriend is a level below me and works on my department but within a different team and I actually have very little to do with “managing” him, I began to argue, but after a few seconds changed my mind as I realised I was either not going to win, or I was going to say something I would regret so instead I turned and walked away, tears in my eyes from anger and went to continue what I was doing whist my manager called my name. At this stage turning back wasnt an option because I wasnt about to have a full on argument about it, or anything else on the shop floor. He stopped calling my name and I carried on my work, still teary eyed.
A few minutes later my new manager approached me to find out what had happened and to make sure I was okay.. I wasnt. I cried harder whilst I explained my frustration at the situation, about the lies,the brief that had supposedly come out, and a few other things whilst I was there. Now its worth noting at this point that my new manager cannot cope when people cry, he is a sweetheart but its just not something he deals with very well. So there I am, stood infront of him, sobbing like a three year old, getting more and more frustrated with myself for allowing my manager to get to me the way he had.
I would love to pretend like that was it, and I got over it.. I didnt. I had to tell my staff I wouldnt be managing them any more, which oddly hurt like hell and I wasnt expecting to be so emotional. Im not going far, I will still see them all daily but it still felt really sad and being that I was already crying it didnt help the situation. I think I spent the last hour of my shift crying, and trying to download the information I need for a meeting that takes place on friday. There may have been around five minutes where I wasnt crying but I doubt it.
I think the reason I was so upset is for the most part the fact that it was long overdue, despite all the stress, and anger of the past few months, I havent actually had a proper good cry, and yes, I am the first to admit that work isnt the correct place to have a melt down but hey.. it happens to us all at some point.
I got home that evening after my boyfriend had dropped me off, made a tea and crawled into bed, I was still upset for the majority of the night, wishing desperately that my boyfriend had been there with me.
I awoke on tuesday feeling rather.. numb, I think is how I would describe it, I had slept in which is rare, but woke up with a headaches and eyes that were sore to the touch from the hours of crying I had done the night before.
I spent the day texting my boyfriend, cleaning, baking and feeling sorry for myself, and whilst yes, its my own fault for taking things too personally, I decided to just mope anyway. I went and did my food shopping, came home and immedietly changed into my comfy hoody which is 4 sizes too big.
Around 4pm, I was sitting on the arm of the sofa, aimlessly scrolling though instagram, not taking anything in, questioning why my boyfriend had stopped replying when my front door opened and in walked my boyfriend proclaiming “I thought you could do with a cuddle today” and pulled me into his arms.
I have never felt better, in that moment it was like nothing mattered and I knew I was home, I was safe from harm and most importantly I was happy.
He sat with me for a few hours, we decided to go to the nearest shopping centre and have a walk around to try and cheer me up some more, then on the way home I checked the group chat (one between myself and the other management on my shift) and saw a message from the new shift manager directed at me which explained that infact there had not been a brief about couples working together, so that had been another lie told to me by a person that was not only my manager, but who I had at one time considered to be a close friend.
I finished yesterday by baking my boyfriends favourite brownies, having a hot soak and playing world of warcraft.
Yes.. I said I wasnt going back, but I gave in and returned and I am actually very happy with my decision.
That brings us to today.. A day that has been spent curled up with my boyfriend whilst he plays WoW, and cooking us a beautiful Rib eye steak dinner with cheesy mash.. speaking of which, I must go and fill the dishwasher.
So there you go, the story of how I spent two hours crying at work.. again I havent proof read this and I typed it on my boyfriends tablet instead of my laptop so this could be all kinds of messed up.. but hey, what life without a few typos!
I hope you guys enjoyed this and are having a great week!
Talk to you soon!